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Changing Gears
My posts lately have been super whiny.
And I apologise for that.
But sometimes life just gets in the way of everything (especially when you’re living with something like diabetes), and everything just feels like complete crap.
Changing gears!
So today I’ve (officially, of course) joined something I saw on the wonderful Paleo Chef’s Instagram page; the “Stop Global Whining campaign”. She continues: “It’s lovely to assume that all the smiling and shiny posts mean we aren’t also all facing challenges. I’m grateful for my problems, trauma, losses, AND my flaws, they’ve made me into the woman I am today.” And I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for this, Mary Shenouda!
This means: away with the negative thinking, in with the smiles, happy feet and love.
You see, I figured out what my problem has been during the last few weeks – goal setting.
I’ve been setting my goals far too far in the future. It doesn’t matter right now what happens in 3,4 or 5 months time. It doesn’t even matter how you handle your stuff next week. To live in the now has become a very worn statement, but it doesn’t make it any less true.
If you’ve tried everything you can, and you’re still not happy with your results this is especially important. You end up feeling like a failure, a fraud and feeling bad for yourself. Not wirth it, not a single bit.
I know you have to work hard to achieve the things you do. All the planning, fights and tears (and blood and sweat) involved – I know it all. And I’m so proud of you that you keep going, even when things get rough.
But just then, when the proverbial sh*t has hit the fan, is when a longer term goal can ruin it all for you. You lose everything you’ve worked so hard to build, to gather and to achieve – motivation, happiness, and, to a certain point, control.
Instead of thinking of what you will have achieved, done and mastered in 3-6 months. Instead focus on what you can do RIGHT NOW to be the best that you can be?
What can you do today that will make you feel better? (and if all you can think of is to (re)watch “Orange Is The New Black” – that’s ok too. Sometimes change takes time, and you have to let it.)
What about tomorrow? How can you feel better than today? Can you choose better things to eat? Could you go out for a walk? Or perhaps watch those blood sugar readings with an extra eye? What your goal for that day is, is of course entirely up to you; no one else can tell you where you’re at in terms of accomplishing things.
But making plans and goals further in the future than that is, at this point, very much discouraged.
Remember that YOU have to feel good at the same time – you have to take care of you, and make sure that you’re healing from the blow to your self esteem you just had. And you can’t heal without kindness to yourself.
Once you get out of your rut and things start to feel better again, then please, go ahead and make your (secret) 5 year plan. The sky’s the limit and the World’s your Oyster!
Do you have a solid back up plan of how to get out of a rut? I’d love to hear it in the comments below!
Dealing With An Unexpected Number
Unexpected numbers can come at you in any shape or form.
A speeding ticket you definitely didn’t expect. The bill for your groceries (wait, what the heck did I just buy…? Gold?). Your phone bill after a month of especially exciting news, that clearly everybody needed to know (and sometimes Facebook just doesn’t cut it). The amount of (really annoying) red little numbers on the screen of your iPhone.
Or these sneaky numbers can be health related. Your weight. Your blood pressure. The amount of carbs in a chocolate bar. Or, your blood glucose reading.
What they all have in common is that split second of freezing. The world stops spinning for just a fraction of time, and your hopes, ideas, and yes, even self esteem just plunges to way below sea level.
I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, and I’m certain you’ve experienced it, too.
I recently had one of these come and slap me across my very unexpecting face. Naturally, this happened at my doctors office.
A few days ago, I went for my bi-yearly diabetes check up with my endocrinologist.
Finger pricks were done, blood pressure, weight and circumference were recorded and I landed back in the waiting room for a few minutes.
The visit started really well, I didn’t have to wait long (yay, always a bonus!), and my doctor seemed to be in a good mood.
In short, all was well and good. Until she gave me the result of my HbA1c test.
It had increased, not decreased. There was a higher number staring back at me from her bleary computer screen than I’ve seen in more than 1,5 years.
*GULP*
“But… all that effort… I’ve done everything imaginable to tame this.” I almost stuttered, feeling those darn tears burning inside my eyelids. Why the eff was this happening? Surely she must know, she’s a doctor, right? … were two of the thoughts that immediately hit me.
“Hanna. It’s nothing that you’re doing wrong, you’re handling your diabetes really well” she replied (and I almost fainted for the opposite reason, because I’ve NEVER heard that before!)
“It’s not your diet, it’s not your exercise, it’s not the sleep, it’s not the stress,” she continued, “it must be something else.”
Ah, so she’s basically as clueless as I am myself. Well, that’s a relief. Kind of.
“We’ll put a continuous glucose meter sensor on you for a week and see if there are any unknown peaks in your blood sugar. And we’ll check your thyroid again, along with a full blood panel. How’s Monday to start wearing the sensor?”
“Ehm, yeah, I guess…” is all I could say at this point.
She followed me to the laboratory, where my favourite nurse (thank god) already waited for me with a needle, ready for a blood test.
Throughout this, I kept feeling those effing tears burn, making the nurse think I’d suddenly developed a paralysing fear of drawing blood for tests. After reassuring her she’s awesome and the best one I’ve ever known for taking my blood, I just switched off into thought mode.
What’s going on? How can I have missed such high blood glucose spikes that would make SUCH a difference? I mean, I know there were 2 instances I had no control, but seriously? What else can I do? Is there anything else i CAN do? What’s wrong with me? I give and I give and I give this disease attention, energy and sacrifices on a daily basis – why can’t it just play along?
My ego clearly wasn’t ok with this result.
I mumbled thank you to the nurse, and headed out the door. I walked 3 km downhill to my house, crying, being angry, annoyed and frustrated all at the same time. Cursing my own body for being so shit. For not working properly, and for putting my life at risk.
The rest of the day I cancelled everything I had planned and watched tv. That’s how numbing this was for me. (Although Season 2 of Orange Is The New Black is absolutely brilliantly awesome.) What can I do? What else can I remove/add/do in my life that would help me out of this crap?
I already do and give and sacrifice so much for this, things that, if I’m honest, I probably wouldn’t take as seriously if it wasn’t because of my disease(s). I meditate, exercise, recently begun exploring EFT tapping, I work with my attitude, emotions and anything else that can kick me out of my routine daily, I drink tons of water, I eat healthily and according to how I’ve figured out my body does best (and (almost) never have cheat meals), I take my medication and supplements on time, I don’t stress very often, I do the things I love, the things that make me happy (like my job!), I have a routine and keep to it, I make sure I spend enough time on my own so that I don’t take on too much… I’m seriously depleted of things that I could be doing more to accommodate the diabetes in my body. It feels like I give everything I have, but I just can’t win. And that feels like crap.
The following day I realised what it was: nothing. I can do absolutely nothing else than I already am to improve this. All I can do is to keep going. Just like I have before. This may seem daunting to you, but for me it was part of healing from the shock and coming back.
How you react to an unexpected number is completely up to you, you always have a choice. But you need to have the courage to brush yourself off and try again, after the initial shock has passed. Sometimes it isn’t even your fault at all – you can do everything completely right and still get an unexpected number. Especially when it comes to an autoimmune condition. But it’s so essential not to give up, even though it very well may seem a lot easier at the time, and to stand up and tell this number to go shove it, because that’s all it’ll ever be – a number on a paper. You can improve, you can and will do better, but that number is still going to be the same. Whether it’s your weight, telephone bill or your HbA1c result.
How do we know what to eat?
Everyone knows what’s good for you.
Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and all the “lose half your body weight in 2 days” people do, too; it’s their own product of course.
But before this post turns into a random Piñata-alike bashing of things that can’t convince me of their efficacy, let’s just say it’s not as easy as it seems. To know what to eat is much like navigating the stormy sea of a jungle. (yes. exactly that complex.)
I’d like to take myself as an example.
For 26 years I thought the absolute best thing I could feed myself were grains and carbs. Pasta? YES! Is it whole grain? DOUBLE YES! Rice? Yes, I NEED to eat some of that, you know, for my blood sugar. Bread? Better take 2 slices, just to be on the safe side.
This sounds crazy to me today. Absolutely insane. But I believed it then. And strongly, too.
And, to a certain extent, it was true. Way back when insulin was manufactured differently, it had a much longer onset time, meaning instead of starting to work within 10-30 minutes, like it does today, it took hours. And also hours to leave your system. This also meant that the doses you took were much bigger. Then it was important to keep blood sugar up while the insulin was still working its magic. (I think some of these are still around today?)
Today it’s all different. Insulin works much shorter, giving you much, much more of that longed for and well deserved flexibility. Meaning that you don’t necessarily have to give giant mega doses to cover your whole day at once, but can give smaller doses for when you do eat something. Which doesn’t have to include grains, if you find you feel better without them. For me, it’s not as easy as finding the carb count and injecting for it. I congratulate you if it’s like that for you! But grains do some funky business to my metabolism.
You can navigate grocery stores, menus and food choices with a lot more ease than before. And I find that an amazing development.
Very few people know instinctively what is good for you or what isn’t. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had 26 years of training by health professionals, you still might have no clue.
There seem to be a new kind of fantastic people though. Like my friend Elin, who is 6 years old.
When I last visited her and her mom, she gave me these wonderful drawings below.
Do you see any bread, pasta, rice or candy among these things that “are healthy for you”?
No. Me neither. Elin clearly knows what’s up!
Elin, 6 years, knows what’s up!
A Day In The Life Of…
Well. Have I got something super exciting for you today?!
I thought that I usually yap on about scientific research, what to go for in terms of food, or even complain in my blog posts. And it’s always. So. Much. Text.
Today I’m doing the opposite. Only pictures (well, almost only).
To get to know me better, and to get an idea of who I am behind this screen: WELCOME to a day in the life of me!
My first consultation every single morning is with my blood sugar meter (and insulin pump), which I call Doris, both to make it more “fun” and personalised. After the first test, I consult her many times during the day, meaning about 8-10 finger pricks a day. (Which I won’t let take over the story today. This is the only Doris pic you’ll get.)
Lemon water
My morning is usually kicked off when my husband runs out the door. That’s when I get up and have my glass of lemon water. If there’s one healthy habit you should do, it’s this one! It cleans your liver, it helps your metabolism… Sorry, promised very little text!
Supplements
After that I take my daily supplements: in red, we have Krill oil, which is the purest form of Omega 3 fatty acids (DHA and EPA). Big yellow one is a vitamin B complex. The two light yellow ones are Vitamin D3. Big white one is Magnesium, middle white one is Zinc and little white one is blood pressure medicine.
Most days right now I do a form of intermittent fasting, where I fast for 16 hours and eat my two meals within 8 hours. This has proven to help blood sugar management, metabolism and hunger, for example. So no breakfast for me! (Unless my blood sugar is low and I need it, of course.)
Sports gear
Moving on! Then I go out for my daily walk, which is anything from a quick power burst of 30 minutes, to a longer (but slightly slower) 2 hour walk. It depends on what else I have going on that day. I love the color of my shoes, it makes me happy eery time I look down on them when I get a little tired while I’m out. I carry all my stuff (test kit, glucose tabs for emergencies, tissues, keys, phone…) in the polka dotted fanny pack. Don’t judge – it’s the best solution I’ve found so far! And I don’t carry it on my front, I usually carry it across my back.
Home made mayonnaise
After getting back, I either work by the computer, or work in the kitchen. This day was a kitchen morning. I made some home made mayonnaise….
Testing, testing
…and tested a (for me) new, low carb bread mix from Sweden. 1 g of carbs per slice! (I love that it’s part of my job to try these things out so that I know what to recommend to you!)
Toast Skagen (sugar-, grain-, gluten- and milk free, o’course)
With the mayonnaise, the bread and some prawns, I made a sugar-, grain-, gluten- and milk free version of the swedish classic Toast Skagen for lunch. It was so good, it might just become a new Summer favourite! (if you want the recipe I used, leave a comment below!)
Office
This is where the magic happens! The GrainBrain magic that is. This is where I have a majority of my meetings, where I write the majority of the content I post… You get the point: this is where I work. (I love my light and airy office (that’s a balcony you see to the right) and my Voluspa Crisp Champagne candle, it smells so darn good.)
Office decoration
This is what I’ve got behind me in my office, so every time I get up from my chair, I’m reminded of these beautiful things. As well as my freaky plant.
Full fridge!
Aaahhh, fridge was empty, so I had to go and fill it up again. When I go shopping, I focus almost exclusively on getting fresh vegetables, meat and fish. A full fridge is a happy fridge!
Zoodles Bolognese
Once I’m done with work for the day and my husband’s back from work, we make some dinner. And by we, I mean him. For example, our (his) famous Bolognese sauce with zucchini noodles. And some parmesan cheese to bring up the fat content.
Àsgeir in Concert
After dinner, my husband and I always try to do something together. Like go to a concert, for example. Last night we saw Icelandic Àsgeir here in Zürich. I don’t often become enchanted by someones voice, but last night I couldn’t help it. Awesome voice, cool-ass beats. A winner in my books!
#goofballs
On our way home we had to wait for the train, which, of course, resulted in a goofball-train-station-selfie!
Probiotic Nightcap
My night cap every night are these friendly fellas. I take my probiotic supplement in the evening, so that my body can use them to rebuild my intestines without interruptions during the night (when most of our regenerative processes are at play!)
Sweet dreams!
After that tasty treat, it’s time to say night-night and sweet dreams! I try to get ca 8 hours of sleep a night, which works sometimes, and other times not quite as successfully…
What does your day look like? Do you have a routine you follow religiously, or are you more of a touch-and-go kind of person? I’d love to know! Please tell me in the comments below.
Why I Am A Nutrition Coach
If you’ve been following me for a while, you might know a few things about me.
Like that I strongly dislike the word “diet”. Or that I can’t get enough of asparagus. Or that I smear my face with coconut oil every day.
Or that I have a few auto-immune conditions.
But did you know how I got into the work that I do? Or how I got into the way that I’m eating?
It’s time for another confession post!
If we back up a little long time, I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 2, which is 29 years ago now (you’re welcome to do the math). I also have the beginning stages of Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, Rosacea and some other auto-immune issues. My immune system can’t like me very much, judging by the fact that there’s a war going on between my IS and my body…!
Being a nutrition coach focusing on diabetes and other chronic diseases, has of course given me a huge insight as to how to eat better than the conventional suggestions by health care professionals. In addition to my education, I’ve done so much research and so many trials on myself, before recommending anything to you or other clients.
But for 26 years, I believed (very) strongly that, as a diabetic you HAVE TO HAVE carbohydrates and grains (preferably whole grains) with every meal.
Back then, I took an obscene amount of insulin to combat my fluctuating blood sugar levels. For a while I had a doctor who, in all seriousness, told me to “eat more grains and carbs, your blood sugars will stabilise then”. Well, this wasn’t the case. At all. My body was clearly under a lot of stress from this, my HbA1c (average blood sugar) was WAY too high, and my blood pressure was sky high, for which I got medication that had really weird adverse reactions.
My turning point only came when I re-educated myself as a nutrition coach in 2011.
My teacher was wonderful, and fully on the Paleo train. He made me realise how much I was punishing my body with what I ate. The “healthy and diabetes-friendly” food that I had been told to eat so many times for so many years.
I started cutting out carbs in the form of grains quite quickly during that time. Yes, even the “healthy” whole grains. Following that, I took away potatoes and most fruit, too. What I was left with is what you can see on my Instagram account, aka my food diary; meat, vegetables and healthy fats.
Today, I avoid gluten, because it makes me feel really, really bad. It’s quite easy if you don’t eat processed foods or grains! I also try to avoid cows milk in all shapes and forms, as I’ve noticed that I’m sensitive to casein (a milk protein). I also avoid caffeine, because it affects my blood sugar. And I get terribly jittery by it. Yet I love coffee.
So, what’s happened to my results then, you might wonder?
Well, I’m doing so much better. It’s really a whole galaxy away from what I used to be. I’ve been able to reduce my insulin dosage by half, my blood pressure medication is as good as non-existent (my doctor says it’s a silly dosage to eat at all, so I guess I could take it away?!)
Of course it’s not always a dance on roses, my blood sugar levels still fluctuate quite regularly, but nothing at all like it used to. It’s unavoidable, no matter how little carbs and grains you eat – if you’ve got Type 1, your sugars will fluctuate. But, it’s much, much easier to correct now, which was close to impossible when I was still eating my body weight in sugar every day.
Everything’s improved since I cut the grains and carbs from my diet. So far, I’ve been able to control the Hashimoto’s solely with the help of supplements. The Rosacea is calmer, although it comes back every once in a while (which I treat with coconut oil – you can read about that here!)
I’m just so thankful that I’ve found a way to eat and live that helps me as much as this does! And I’m also so thankful that I have the opportunity to help you achieve similar success, too.
And, for the record, my current endocrinologist doesn’t really care how I eat, but thinks I “should eat more carbs”. But thanks to my improved levels, I only have a doctors appointment every 4-5 months instead of every 3 months. My CDE (diabetes educator) on the other hand is completely for my low carbing, and agrees with me that I would never have reached these levels without changing my way of eating.
Have you gone against medical advice? What happened?